Over summer vacation in July I read Dr. Andreas Kostenberger's God, Marriage, and Family. I highly recommend it for every marriage, especially for husbands. It is a bit academic and scholarly, but you can always skip the more academic interactions, and read Kostenberger's conclusions.
Kostenberger provides a full theological framework for marriage and family in light of the Old and New Testament. He covers issues such as singleness, children, male headship, birth control, homosexuality, divorce and remarriage, etc. Obviously, those include some hot-button topics in the culture and in the church, and Kostenberger deals with them carefully and biblically, radically focusing upon God and the Gospel without losing cultural relevance.
One of the best sections that I found was his highlighting of the theme of spiritual warfare in marriage. Now, Kostenberger isn't talking bustin' a cap in a demon with a quick exorcism of your spouse via speaking in tongues. What does he mean then? He writes,
"Because marriage and the family are not merely a human convention or cultural custom but a divine institution, it should be expected that Satan, who seeks to rob God of his glory, would attack marriage...Spiritual warfare has been a part of married life and childrearing from the beginning. The foundational biblical narrative in Genesis 3 recounts how the tempter, Satan, prevailed upon the first woman to violate God's commandment and how her husband followed her into sin. Ever since, marriage has resembled more a struggle for control and conscious and unconscious efforts at mutual manipulation than an Edenic paradise. The first known instance of sibling rivalry issued in Cain killing his brother Abel out of envy and jealousy. The rest of the Old Testament chronicles a whole series of ways in which sin has affected marital and family relationships since the Fall" (163).
A bit later Kostenberger asks, "What is the key element in spiritual warfare?" (165). He answers, "According to the Scripture, it is human minds" (165). He goes on:
"'But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ' (2 Cor. 11:3, NIV)...Just as Satan reasoned with Eve as to why she should disobey God in the Garden, it is people's thought life that is the arena in which our spiritual battles are won or lost. For this reason believers ought to saturate their minds with scriptural teachings regarding their new position in Christ." (165)
What key areas does Satan use to attack marriage? Kostenberger lists three specific things: "sexual temptation", "unresolved anger", and "sowing the seeds of marital conflict through the husbands insensitivity to his wife" (166). How then does one fight this battle, these areas of Satanic attack: first, "an awareness of the fact that there is a battle" (167); second, "know one's spiritual enemy. This enemy is not one's marriage partner. Nor is it one's children. It is Satan the enemy of our souls..." (167); third, "spiritual battles must be fought by the use of proper weapons" (168). The proper weapons include the list that Paul gives at the end of Ephesians.
The spiritual armor of Ephesians isn't to be taken out of context (Eph. 6:10-20). It's right next to the practical issue of marriage (Eph. 5:21-33). The armor of God is meant to be used in marriage for the good of your spouse. It's not just a neat passage to memorize and do a Sunday School class on, its one that you need to utilize in your own marriage. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer are marriage weapons. Not weapons to attack your spouse with, but use for the benefit of your spouse, your kids, and the glory of God.
Read Kostenberger's book, not just because he has an awesome last name, but because it will serve your marriage and family well and incite the worship of God in your heart.
